Like sands through the hour glass...

Oh man, a whole month has gone by without anything to laugh about. Maybe nothing is ever going to be funny again. But we must try. We must!

We must read about a water park opening in French Lick, Indiana, and wonder how the hell that place got its name, and how wonderful it would have been if Professor Jones was born there, and called himself "French Lick Jones" instead of "Indiana". "We named the dog French Lick." Makes a lot more sense.

We must realize that "Belligerent Chimp Proves Animals Make Plans". I am SO sick of humans pretending not to be animals, and I'd be more willing to follow a chimp's plans than most people's. I think I'll train a chimp to sell insurance. This could be the idea that will make me rich.

We must enjoy the head-line "Ann Coulter and Bill Maher Spar At Radio City" and visually picture a right cross to Coulter's jaw, scoring a KO on a bruised and bloodied harridan in the fifth round!

We must applaud Nickelodeon for standing by Chris Brown's nomination for its "Kid's Choice Awards", proving to children everywhere that puttin' the smack down on a bitch is nothing to be ashamed of.

We must marvel at the Guantanamo detainees who filed documents with the court for no apparent reason claiming they are "terrorists to the bone" ( duh duh duh duh duh) and bragging about being responsible for the Sept. 11 thing that did that stuff, and gosh, maybe in light of this it's not a good idea to close ole' Gitmo after all, what eh? Ha! Justification! I tole' ya so! Git out da watta board, Ma. Let's dip us some Rag Heads!

And finally, we must be thrilled to learn that ...Holy Shit!!!...Hooey Lewis And The News will be at the Douglas County Fair this summer!!! My god, something to live for at last!!!!!!!