Nazi Name Update

I've been waiting to learn the fate of the unfortunately named Campbell children of New Jersey. Nothing yet. However, today at Yahoo News! (I go to Yahoo so you don't have to) there appeared this headline:

Boys with unpopular names more likely to break law.

It seems the famous and respected journal "Social Science Quarterly" has discovered that boys named Michael or David will grow into fine young men, while others, not so fortunately named, will not. I'm guessing they mean boys with names like Jorge or Tyrone, or in my old neighborhood, Flea or Gumby. The journal wishes to clarify that while the names are likely not the cause of crime, researchers argue that "they are connected to factors that increase the tendency to commit crime". Factors that include being born to a man who named you Sue. Studies also indicate that boys with names like "Dick" will likely end up spending much of their life in locker rooms.

So anyway, I figure the New Jersey Police removed the Campbell children before they could grow up and start the Fourth Reich, 'cause you just know, with a name like Adolph, he was gonna be trouble someday. Maybe they'll rename him "Dick".

Another story in the news that I don't quite know how to feel about; a Florida firefighter was arrested Monday for taking a severed foot from the scene of an accident Sept 19, 2008. She said she took the foot to use as a training aid for her Cadaver Dog. Also, those rawhide bones are so expensive.

Last, but not least, BETRAYED BY THE "PEANUT CORPORATION OF AMERICA!"
It seems this fine example of successful deregulation and downsizing of government allowing the free market to regulate itself because everybody knows business loves us and only wants the best for us and doesn't care more about money, so come on, you can trust us, went ahead and sold off salmonella infected products AFTER tests showed POSITIVE for salmonella, then went and SHOPPED for a lab that would FINALLY OK their poisonous product. Holy Upton Sinclair, Batman, what the hell were they thinking? That no one would notice a few thousand vomiting peanut eaters? Is this the plan to decrease the surplus population? Thank god they didn't taint the beer!