A New Beginning

Today is the first day of the rest of my life! Deserted by my fam-ily, rejected by human-ity, bustin' mad rhymes in dark, desperate times. Hopeless and despairin', but ain't nobody carin', I might as well go buy me a box of cheap wine.

Actually, my beverage of choice tonight is "Olde English '800'", which I understand has been immortalized in song by some guy whose name I forget, due in no small part to the malt liquor, I bet. I personally prefer "Big Bear Malt Liquor", but sadly, that fine product is no longer to be found in these parts. In any event, whatever is cheap and gets the job done is OK by me.

But I digress. In the midst of my "Post Mid-Life Crisis" I have flayed about pathetically searching for purpose, something to spend the brief remainder of my time on, a project for a new retarded century as it were. Suddenly, I remember a long ago ambition! The perfect past time for life's broken, hopeless casualties. Writing children's books!

I remember an idea I had for a book a few years ago when I worked in the old Book Warehouse. This might be the last chance I have to express my talent before the Alzheimer's sets in for keeps. And so I give you...

"THE LITTLEST MAGGOT"

Along a country highway, on the curvy narrow road, was a neat, tidy, warm little pile of possum poop. And in this poop was a lovely little family of maggots. All the Maggot brothers and sisters wiggled and writhed in their happy little pile of poop. They were all very glad to be where they were. They felt much luckier than their cousins down the road, who lived in a dead skunk.

"We are never bothered by buzzards", they sang! "Poop is the place to be! Oh poopy, I'm as happy as happy can be!"

But happiness, like everything else, does not last forever. Over time the happy little maggots began to change. They grew tired of their little brown home, and yearned to see the world, and day by day each one woke up to find himself different!

"Oh my", said the eldest brother maggot, "Look at me! I have wings! I have always wanted to see what poop there may be on the other side of the road! " And off he flew, leaving his brothers and sisters far behind.

The next day, the eldest sister awoke to find herself with a beautiful set of shiny, glossy wings! As she rose to the sky with a wink of her eye she said this to those down below: "Good- by family, now it's all about me!", and she flew off to look for a sty.

One by one, all the maggots became beautiful flies and buzzed off to find their path in life, until there was only one teeny tiny little maggot left. But he was still happy, wiggling in his little home of poop all by himself, because he knew one day, it would be his turn to wake up with wings and fly off to glory.

In the meantime, he noticed that a boy and girl came by his home every day. He could hear their laughter as they stood on the side of the road and waited. He wondered what they were waiting for, and then he saw it. A big yellow School bus!

As the days went by, he noticed the bus came and went, and the happy children came and went with it, and he wondered what wonders the bus might hold. The children were so smart and happy. Maybe the bus they got on and off of made them so? And he also noticed they did not smell of poop. Maybe, just maybe, poop was not the whole world. Maybe there was something better. Maybe, when his time to fly came, he would find out.

And then, one bright sunny morning, he woke up to find his time had finally come! He had wings! And then, there were the children! And then, the bus was coming! His time was here! This was his chance! The bus stoped, the children got on, the little fly rushed to the bus...the doors began to close! SPLAT! He was THAT CLOSE!

And the moral to the story is...ah...help me out here, will ya?