Bah, Humbug, and then some!

Snow and sadness. Anixety and abandonment. Depression and dispare. Just another typical Xmas at the ole' homestead. One child came home at great personal inconvience, one child vaporized into the abyss. If I close my eyes I'm invisible. If a tree falls in the forest and I don't hear it, it never existed. The last twenty-five years might never have even happened. Maybe they didn't. Maybe life IS a Twlight Zone episode. What the hell do I know?

My son made it home for Christmas, a hollow-day that has no meaning in and of itself to me personally save that it nearly marks the point of orbit when the axis begins tilting back at the sun and a small shriveled hope for sunny summer warmth and lazy languid evenings claws at my withered soul, begging it to hang on for just a few months more. Also, I like the colored lights.

Anyway, the poor boy sat in a bus terminal for almost eleven hours to catch a connecting bus to get home in a snow storm, only to come home and get depressed and long to leave. The daughter went to a stranger's home, leaving no contact information, and Portland had it's worst storm in 14 years, leaving her family to wonder if she was alive or dead.

In conclusion, if I had it all to do over again, I would shoot myself. No, who am I kidding. I'm too much of a coward to take the coward's way out. But I should have stuck with dogs, that much is for sure. The thing is, life is so boring if you don't have someone to share with. Someone to laugh with. I never wanted to be a "mother". Yikes, not like MY mother, anyway. I wanted to be and have a friend. What is it that chick in "Mixed Nuts" said? "I wish there was someone I cared for who cared for me." Good thing I have dogs.