Where can I get a life cheap?

I am having way too much fun. I've stayed up 'till dawn every night this week playing on the old computer. But one has to stay busy to stave off depression. If you stop and think, that's when it gets ya. So I'm making a list of things to occupy me in my tragically childless state.

Retarded Ideas to Keep Busy with.

1) Clean the House. Yeah, sure. Like fourteen years of neglect can EVER be reversed. Also, the floor around the sink is caving in. Maybe I should just start digging a cave into the side of the hill.

2) Cut your hair, just a little at a time everyday until you look like someone who shouldn't have been left unsupervised at recess. See if anyone at work will mention it.

3) Write a musical about Temps cleaning up at the sight of a tragic accident involving an elderly driver plowing through the annual Garment Inspector's picnic. Title it "Look Through the Union Corpses".

4) Write your own obituary. If there is one thing I enjoy, it's reading about dead people, but some of their obits are deadly dull. I want readers to be entertained by the actual notice, not just the fact of my death.

Well, that should keep me busy for a while!