The Face Of Depression

That's what stares back at me in the bathroom mirror. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the double chins of despair and the jowls of anguish. But that's all part of life in these great United States. It's also the reason I don't wear my glasses unless I'm driving or watching movies.

Oh boy. It is SO HARD to keep one's spirits up lately. In the old days, I had only to suck up enough suds and everything was just SO damn funny. I'm much, much older now, and it takes a LOT more beer to wash away the horrors of reality, let alone enable one to see the HUMOR of it, and damn it, who has the TIME to ingest THAT MUCH ALCOHOL!?! Not to mention the inconvenience of constant detours to the toilet and the incalculable expense of reams of T.P.?

Bottom line, it just isn't fun anymore. Even the Internet. You go online, and everything is MONITORED. I used to get my most excellent inspiration from Yahoo News Of The Weird. Now I get, "What TRENDING news stories are your retarded friends reading? " WTF!?!

Yes, I made the ultimate mistake of succumbing to ego: establishing a facebook page with my real identity. Once you've given up the fun of being fictional on the off chance that the boy who said he loved you in the fourth grade might be looking for you RIGHT NOW, you can't go home again. Everything you look at is recorded. Your every move entered into a marketing database. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

FACEBOOK IS BIG BROTHER

Yeah, it's my own fault. I played right into their hands. Oh well. At the rate we're fucking up everything, it shouldn't be a problem for too much longer anyway. In the meantime, let's see what laughs can be had at www.thesmokinggun.com