Sometimes I Think They Just Make This Shit Up

I read that Oregon is having its first ever "Tattoo Convention" with a T.V. star and everything! They got some guy from a show about tattoos. A television show. About tattoos. Auhhhh. I don't get to watch television. Thank you Jesus.

Could this be true? Sad but true, like devolution?

But what about the politician in Poland who is critical of the local zoo for acquiring a gay elephant? How does this man know the elephant is gay? Did he buy sex from it in an airport men's room? Reading nonsense like this just hurts. Like gay sex with an elephant.

Why god? Why would this story be true?

Thief steals 83 year old woman's 66 year old bike. Poor old lady had this bike since 1943! She fought the Nazis on it! She fought the Commies on it! And just like Pee Wee Herman, she LOVED her bike, but when she left it unattended and unlocked outside the retirement home, some lowlife took it.

Well, to be honest, I really don't give a shit if this story is true.

Oh yes, Yahoo news item: "Chinese Bra Maker Holding Up in Bad Economy". Started business in "bustling" commercial district. Refuses to keep "abreast" of modern technology, and despite the learning "curve", is determined to "carry " on!

True or not, I want the author beaten savagely.

On a related note, sales of men's underpants is an accurate diagnostic tool for gauging the state of the economy. As you know, underpants are a replenishment item, and when there is a large drop (oh no, now I'm doing it!) in underpants sales, it is because men are experiencing dire monetary distress. Or possibly women. What man buys his own underpants? Only bachelor/orphans. Besides, for the most part, only women care what state a man's underpants are in, on account of having to look at the damn things every time she does the laundry. So if she doesn't replace them, times are bad.

True dat.

One last little gem to brighten a gloomy day: Republicans stage "Teabagging" rallies. Republicans blithely referring to themselves as teabaggers. Yes.

Well, who didn't know that? Maybe just the republicans. They are pretty clueless.