Reaching A Consensus With The Voices In My Head

has never been easier! I started off 2010 by viewing "Oliver Stone's JFK" for the first time, and what an experience that was, what with the slow motion and zoom features on my DVD player!

Now I understand why my Fourth Grade Teacher was so upset. We were only little kids, and angry that Felix the Cat was preempted for a funeral we'd already seen six times. To think, I had to wait for Jerry Ford (who was a prominent member of the Warren Commission, by the way) to pardon Nixon before I lost all faith in our government.

Speaking of our government, "Feds Probe Obama Effigy In Jimmy Carter's Hometown". Don't get me wrong, I do not hold out hope of Mr. Obama being our saviour, but this is just poor form, hanging a black doll labeled with our president's name, and bound to lead to no good.

Straight from no good to Helsinki, where a train crashed into a Holiday Inn conference room. Yes. A train. Crashed into a hotel. Remember when nobody expected planes to hit big towers in the sky? Where, I wonder, was the CIA when THIS happened? Fortunately, the room was unoccupied at the time. Perhaps it was only a test run.

Last in my litany of paranoid ponderings, but by no means least, a man with fiery underwear has provided what may be the death blow to the Fourth Amendment. Does anyone remember the Fourth Amendment? Anyone? Let's see hands! "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Thank you, Johnny.

All bets are off when a guy, whose own FATHER tried to have him ARRESTED, who had an EXPIRED VISA, who should have set off EVERY FRIGGING RED FLAG IN THE WORLD, is ALLOWED on a plane while wearing the ultimate Victoria's Secret, thus giving our keepers an undeniable justification to suspend our most basic right to privacy. And it ain't gonna stop at the airport. Someday we'll all find ourselves submitting to a full body scan just to buy a corn dog at the Seven Eleven.

And now, I need a nap. Oh, and Happy Twelfth Night.