They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Of course they do, and for a variety of good reasons, but the least appealing reason to shoot a horse is to provide meal ideas for busy moms. I read today that there is a movement afoot to inure Amerika to the idea of eating Mr. Ed. Could anything be more evil.

Yes, horse meat for the masses. A double Whoa Burger with cheese. Horseradish on your horsey sandwich. Will Mr. & Mrs. Amerika embrace "Horse Helper"?

Was it Ronald McDonald who said, "There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man"? No, it was Will Rogers, and he wasn't referring to the nutritional value of our four footed friends.

It is a sad commentary on the soul of our nation that the consumption of horse flesh would be even momentarily considered as a culinary option, save but in the most desperate of circumstances, and only then in the absence of extended family or uncongenial in-laws.

Eating horses may be "OK" for the French and the Japanese, but my god, they also eat snails and whales! Koreans eat puppy dogs up to their tails! This may be their cultural "right", but they are wrong. Good god, if we start eating horses, what's next? Rat burgers? Let us instead take our lead from the wisest of peoples, the Irish, and embrace the dietary advice which is to be extrapolated from their observation that beer is "Liquid Bread".

Am I suggesting that beer should replace bread? Not if you really want a grilled cheese sandwich. But if you are of a religious bent, it would help to make sense of the beseechment, "give us this day our daily bread", for a day without beer is like a day without something that gives you enough of a buzz that you can stand it for another day that hopefully has some beer in it so you can endure all the bullshit that is raining down on your head each and every day of your life. And that brings me to the...

Birthers...?

NPR asks, "Why do doubts about Obama's birthplace persist?'

At first I got lost in a senile synapse loop and thought those damn John Birch society guys were acting up again, but thanks to the magic of google I now know the horrible truth. Apparently, the "tea baggers" have evolved into another prefabricated activist group which exists for the soul purpose of getting Arnold Schwartzenigger elected president.

Dr. Thompson said there was no such thing as paranoia, and I have always believed him. I am now convinced that everything is orchestrated. It may sound crazy, but no matter who won the last election, there was going to be a debate over his "citizenship". Obama born in Hawaii? McCain born in Panama? Fuck it all, get rid of that stupid constitution. Make way for Arnold!

How the hell did Sylvester Stallone KNOW?!? Seems our horrible future was predicted with uncanny accuracy in the movie "Demolition Man"; "All restaurants are Taco Bell", "President Schwartzenoger Library", "Send a maniac to catch a maniac", "RAT BURGERS"!

Holy shit, it's ALL coming true!

On a related note, this just in: Tanning beds as deadly as arsenic. Who'd a guessed THAT would be bad for you?

Discussion question: 10 point bonus round!

What could be worse than waking up in a tanning bed with a horse's head?