Kids, why do you think they call it "Beer"?

The Last Banana Well, just when I figured out why everything gets underlined, I notice my profile says "who's" instead of "whose". Good god, the decay of my brain surprises even me. And strangely, I want more beer. My silhouette resembles an aged Orson Welles, and still, I desire more beer. My name is Dumbass, and I'm an alcoholic. It could be worse. I could be hooked on something more expensive. I could like to eat money. That would be hard on the plumbing, too. Especially that roll of quarters I had for lunch. But thankfully, I have never been driven to eat non-food type stuff. Except for that time in kindergarten, when my fellow sophisticates and I sat around impressing each other by eating little wadded up pieces of paper. When I sneezed in the process of swallowing, and the wad of paper flew out of my nose, I was a star! It has always been my deepest regret in life that I could not duplicate that trimuph. How it would amuse my peers when I reside in the old folks home. Perhaps I will be able to work up something where I substitute some dentures. Or a suppository. Hold on to your dreams.