When The Going Gets Tough The Tough Go Camping!

That's right, I'm going CAMPING! I can hardly believe it myself. Like my everyday living conditions aren't bleak enough; leaky roof, smelly water, uncertain plumbing, and wiring that sends cold chills down the spines of licenced electricians. Not to mention the filth and debris piled everywhere. Come to think of it, a nice clean campsite is going to be quite an improvement. Anyway, MY BOY is homesick and stir-crazy at "Camp Angell by the Sea", so the old man and I are going to drive 300 miles to sleep on the ground. Yes, it's drag out the rotten old tent, patch it up with duct tape, and pack up enough food to give hope to a small third world country in central Europe. Now THAT'S love. The only catch is, when we have to go home, it hurts so much to leave him there. Advice to young people who want to have children...maybe you should stick with dogs.

The Beginning Of The End

My poor old computer finally took its last dump, brought to a sad and lonely end by the evil which permeates the cyberworld...spyware! I blame my trusting nature, my enduring faith in the goodness of mankind. I am but a trusting fool. I'll not be making that mistake again. Unless I do. Well, whatever. In any event, I think I'll be buying meself one of them little "net books". They be so cute and tiny. I can hold it in me lap, and love it, and never feel alone again. Yar, that be the course I be charting matey! Excuse me whilst I hoist me tonsils and belay some bilge.

Why I Love Oregon

Dateline Salem, Oregon: "Dad Uses Shock Collar On Kids". It seems this 41 year old man has four children under the age of 10. He also has one of those collars you use to train dogs with electric shocks. What's a guy to do? Why, try out the collar on each of your kids in turn, of course! Did he do this as a form of punishment for misbehaviour or just to be cruel? No. He did this because "it was funny". One wonders how much beer was involved. I'm guessing "a lot". Mr. Comedian is in jail, and the kids are with their mom, possibly being very well behaved. This merits a study of some kind.

Speaking of practical applications for behaviour modification apparatus, it appears that some denizens of the "Republican Party" are using their super morphin ranger powers to become...democrats. Arlen Specter, self-server extraordinaire, will blow with the winds like the best of 'em. Republican, Democrat. Seriously, what's in a name? Greed and corruption by any other name would stink the same, and it all stinks on ice. This whole two party farce becomes more laughable all the time. Wake up America! Vote for Ralph Nadir!

Those Amazing Animals

Wow, so many animals in the news this week. "Obama Security Advance Team Member Has Suspected Case Of Swine Flu". Somehow I just KNEW this would turn out to be the democrats' fault, but the poor little pigs are taking the rap. In Egypt alone 300,000 innocent porkers were slaughtered in an unwarranted reaction to "swine flu fever". Thank heavens the World Health Organization is taking steps to protect the piggies (or at least the pork industry) by discontinuing the usage of the term "swine flu", and instead referring to the virus by it's professional name, H1N1 influenza A. I feel better already.

When pigs fly, will birds dance? The birds ain't waiting! "Animals Shown To Dance To Music". After studying a COCKATOO on YouTube that grooves to the Backstreet Boys, "scientists" conclude that the bird "feels the beat", and is probably also homosexual. Yes, studies conducted at YouTube indicate that birds and maybe some elephants (everybody knows how gay THEY are) respond to music, but not cats and dogs. Cats and dogs are too busy sneaking up on the dancing birds.

This breakthrough discredits the claim that only humans can move to a musical beat, and has encouraged scientists to attempt teaching dolphins the Rumba!

Lastly, "Kentucky Derby Horses More Fragile, But Not Faster". Yet more evidence of the horrors of human exploitation, arrogance and greed. Years of selective breeding has resulted in big, strong, bulky horses that run like hell on the tips of their toes and shatter leg bones like glass with one misstep. At race tracks around the world, thoroughbreds are sustaining carer or life ending injuries on the average of two horses per day. That's a lot of very expensive dog food.

Perhaps the plan is to make Horse Racing more appealing to the average Joe, kind of like NASCAR, but without the carbon monoxide. And everybody likes a good wreck. Who wouldn't want to watch the "Kentucky Demolition Derby"? Maybe spectators in the front row could catch a flying hoof? Dang, now THAT would be something to take home to home to the kiddies.