This Is The End, My Only Friend...

Or is it? If things have gotten truly horrible, and you're feeling exhausted, broken, and hopeless, and you think maybe this is it, you just can't take it anymore and it's finally checkout time, go to Wal Mart. Either it will be all you need to take that final step, load up the shotgun, and take a few of 'em out with you, or you will be entertained enough to say, "what the hell, things could be worse".

If you are so depressed that you are immobilized, just crawl to your computer and go to http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/, and see if that doesn't do the trick.

I myself went to Wal Mart in person today, galvanized from my depressive stupor by the need to buy flea collars for my doggie friends, and boy do I wish I'd had a camera with me, because besides the usual assortment of REALLY FAT PEOPLE wearing shorts that ride up into their crotches, (aaarrrrggghhh, excuse me a moment) as I was turning the corner of an aisle, there was this woman with this HUGE bandage on her disfigured nose, and she was wearing this really SOILED pith helmet (yes, pith helmet. I am NOT making this up), and I'm thinking maybe she has leprosy and I didn't want to STARE, but HOLY CHRIST! And then I knew that I would go on, that I would endure the slings and arrows, and even them damn proud men's contumelies, because I had a plan for my life's end! No matter what, as long as there is life in me, no matter how horrible and unsightly I become, I'm going to Wal Mart, and you can't stop me!

Are You There God? It's Me, Elton.

"I think Jesus was a compassionate, super intelligent gay man who understood human problems" said Elton John in a recent interview.

Catholic League President Bill Donahue expressed outrage at this description, claiming that referring to Jesus as "super intelligent" is like comparing the son of god to a successful game-show contestant. Heavens, we wouldn't want to drag intelligence into a discussion of a religious nature.

Oh yeah, he was a little upset about the "gay" thing, too.

But one can see where Elton is coming from. We all want to be made in god's image after all. God is just an ego derivative, an extension of our longing to return from whence we came.

I just hope Elton takes a lesson from John Lennon, and doesn't go around saying "I'm gayer than Jesus!"

On a related note: The Dalia Lama forgives Obama for not kissing his ass and angering our Chinese Masters. I miss that Vietnamese Zen Monk who doused himself with gas and lit a match. He knew how to make a point without looking like an attention whore. And he only had to do it once.

Lastly: Idea for new children's book to follow up on the success of "The Littlest Maggot"
( Archives-Jan. 09')..."The Fat Old Flute", about a lonely old flute forgotten in a dark dusty corner of a Parisian pawn shop, who is sad because no one wants to blow him any more.

Brief Thought...

China considers the Dalai Lama to be a "SEPARATIST".

Brief Joke...
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything!"

Maybe I'm missing something here.

Road Kill On The Information Highway

Struggling to keep informed, as a concerned citizen of the world should, I go to Yahoo! news, and see this headline; "Foot-Long Surgical Tool Left In Woman's Abdomen". Seems 66 year old Adenka Kopeckova whet to the doctor 5 months ago for some gynecological surgery (probably INCONTINENCE related, as if the poor woman hasn't suffered enough), somebody didn't bother to take inventory after surgery, and they stitched her up with a free prize inside. When she complained of UNRELENTING PAIN which had her contemplating suicide, and asked for an X-Ray to aid in diagnosis, the helpful hospital staff counseled against it so as not to expose her to unnecessary radiation. But persistence paid off, and Adenka is now a headline.

What surgical instrument is 12 inches long and left in a woman? Youth wants to know, so to Google we go! Turns out it was some damn spatula like thing, that apparently is very inexpensive, or they would have taken the time to remove it before they sewed her up and sent her on her way.

Now, the great thing about Google is, you get a LOT more than you ask for. When I "Googled" "twelve inch gynecological surgical instruments", I got a Forum Board entry which read "I left my 12 inch instrument in a chick before", and a whole lot of adds for online purchasing of surgical instruments, such as the one for Harvard Apparatus, from whom one can purchase fine German made surgical instruments of hardened stainless steel, from Bulldog Clamps to Decapitators. And Bone Wax too. I don't even want to know.

I only hope that they keep track of all purchases made online from these sites. It reminds me of when I worked in the book warehouse, and saw "The History of Torture" and wondered who the hell would want to buy that book, and hoped that whoever did would be placed on an FBI watch list.

February Is The Cruelest Month

What the hell is going on?

February 5, 2010, a 14 year old is killed by fellow student in middle school hallway, Madison Alabama.

February 10, 2010, a male 4th grade teacher shoots principal Elise Luna and assistant principal Amy Brace at a school in Tennessee.

February 12, 2010, Huntsville Alabama, a community known for its Space and Technology industries. 42 year old Biology professor Amy Bishop (a neurobiologist who studied at Harvard) gunned down colleagues at a staff meeting, killing three, wounding three others. She was later heard to say, "It didn't happen. There's no way. They are still alive".

Young Amy was also known to have "accidentally" shot her brother in the chest. With a shot gun. Three times. But that was way back in 1986. She was detained by the police, at gun point. It was logged as an accident, the Chief of Police had her released to her mother, and all files of the incident have since been misplaced. Nothing suspicious there.

1977, regarding the MK Ultra files, Ted Kennedy stated on the Senate floor that over 30 universities and institutions are involved in an extensive testing and experimentation program which included covert drug tests on unwitting citizens at all social levels.

OK, Ted might have been somewhat biased, considering his family history. But if you use your instincts, listen to that little "voice" deep down inside yourself...don't you think something kind of weird is going on?