The Long, Slow, Wait For Death

It is a sunny day in Oregon, a rare and beautiful thing. Even rarer, I have some time alone, for the mate has gone to town on some private business. Who cares why! All that matters is the simple joy of sitting and typing without someone standing behind the chair and reading the screen.

Yes, it is the time of vacation. Or as they call it these days "Staycation", on account of who the hell can afford to go anywhere? No matter. Me so TIRED. Staying sounds real good. Not having to drive 70 miles a day to work and back. Rum in the morning coffee. Maybe get up, sweep the floor, drag some garbage out the door. Maybe lay down, take a nap. Nothing matters anymore.

Anyway, rented  a LOT of movies lately. Mostly crap. Bought the new Sherlock Holmes. Gets better with every viewing, despite paralles with current realities. Funny how the movies I love most are "fictions" based on truth. Speaking of which...

Took a chance on "John Carter" last Saturday. Critics HATED it, which isn't always the most accurate indicator, although to be fair, they WERE right about Godzilla, but never mind. Heard some guy on Coast to Coast one night on the drive home from work, and he claimed that it was sabatoged by the critics to keep people from seeing it due to the dangerous knowledge it contained. He implored everyone to see it.

Loving a good conspiracy as much as the next paranoid schizophrenic, not to mention a well-built nearly-naked guy, I coughed up the three dollars and rented it.

Hm. Turns out to be a GOOD movie. It was smart, fun, and entertaining. Even the Hubby liked it. Good story. Good writing. Good performances. Didn't even mind all the CG, which by the way, prettied Willem Defoe up considerably. In fact we both thought it was good enough to buy a copy for our massive film library which is already too big and takes up a full wall of shelves and I promised myself not to bring any more clutter into the house, oh sweet jesus help me. So what the hell problem did the CRITICS have with this film?

We watched it again the next night before taking it back to the video store. This time, instead of just going along for the ride, I tried to pay attention and look for hidden meanings, which is no easy task with this attention span. What IS the forbidden knowledge contained within this film that the-powers-which-be fear us having?

First off, the Martains are divided into Red and Blue City-States (subtle), and then there are the savage nine foot tall, four-armed green fighting dudes who reproduce in communal hatcheries (Indians-commies-muslims-insert your favorite third-world sub-culture here). The Blue city is peacful and populated with thoughtfull folk (their princess is a scientist who kicks ass!) The Red city is an ambulatory monstrosity, raping and ripping at the planet as it moves, destroying everything in it's path (fern gully, anyone?). The driver in the mix; shape-shifting eternal aliens who travel from world to world, giving weapons of unimaginable power to the ignorant, greedy (and easily controlled) brutes of the "red cities" of the universe,  so they can  "feed on" the destruction of worlds, perhaps needing gold to fuel their technology, or maybe just for the entertainment value. No matter, plenty more planets where this came from.

OK, I see it now. Why some segment of the population might be offended by this film. And it would be nice to claim our stupidity is the result of Evil Invading Aliens manipulating us. But let's be honest. We are the rat-bastard aliens. We have no one to blame but ourselves.